the ugly side of me

i feel so so so so horrible.. and not knowing where its coming from and totally clueless in what i shld do.
I am upset, moody, at times felt so lonely..
Everything in life seems like hell ..despite me tryin so hard to paint a rosy picture.
I hate to look at myself and the state that i am in.. I try to occupy myself every minute to keep me from thinking things. I try so hard to be a realy cheerful n happy ger. I hate this. Its so difficult to be happy infront of pple all the time. I wanna be me and let them see.. I am not as happy as i look.
In fact, i am all alone. I am tired of being tolerant. I just wane be a brat and throw all my anger n fustrations around. I beg to be normal.