+fateful rummage+

as i rummaged in my mind... lots of things came back to me..
after a casual conversation that is not directly related at all... it triggered all these back..
lots of memories, events and thoughts came back to me.
all these have made what i am today. it made me a coward.. it made me a whimp. it made me feel so small.
before i know it.. hot tears were running down my cheek. reason.. i do not know.
i duno if i am happy or sad.
but i definitely do have my happy times, sad times and fustrated times.
i ask myself am i satisfied with the life i had.. part of me says yes but the other half says no.
there are so many things i cld have done. so many things i wanted to do and so many things i did.
so many events that still haunt me till today..little do i know until like today i let myself think abt it. y do they all have to happen to me.
if i was not able to put it all behind me and moved on.. it could have ruined me.
so i have to be thankful that i am able to forget things quite easily.
forget how painful it was.
forget how traumatising it was.
forget how frightening it was.
forget how depressing it was.
forget how stupid i was.

i have to keep telling myself.. it was no big deal.
i cannor have let all these successfully destroy me and affect me in anyway.
it is history.. history it is..
nevetheless... i do not blame anyone else but myself.