+ i deserved to be smacked +

i keep looking backwards and not focusing on what i shld be doin.
back frm Grandpa's funeral but have no mood to get cracking at work at all.
it was realy saddening. sending my grandpa off was the worse thing to do. but i told myself my pain is nothing compared to my mum, aunts and of cos grandma. I have to be there for them and no time to indulge in my own sadness.
frm there it is jus gng downhill. not able to enjoy the wonders in life. not able to make myself happy. not able to get out of my low morale.
wat the hell is wrong with me? i deserve to be whack real hard to wake myself up from this nightmare.

i miss u lots grandpa. i hope u are doin well whereever u are.